The First Time I Gave a DUI/Killed a Man

I was a shiny new Deputy with the new Deputy smell and a .45. Get called to a single vehicle accident. Arrive to find that some meat puppet had driven off the roadway and perfectly severed a utility pole. My cherry ass almost walked into the wires that were draped over the road at chest level. Vehicle is empty and then I see him. Dip-shit ran out of the woods and is now crossing a field. Great tactical mind at work here. The Dip-shit is woefully out of shape and moving like you would expect an out of shape fat ass would move. I summon the power of 'Command Voice' and bellow at Dip-shit. He stops, his shoulders sag, then turns and shuffles his fat ass back to me. I hook him up and do the paperwork for his 4th DUI. Long story short; Dip-shit blames the cops (me) for his now ruined finances and he hangs himself. This would be the first time that I killed a man. Kind of.